Godly Intervention

I bought a book today full of small prayers for people that are too busy. I know, too busy to pray? I bought it because I have had a hard time praying for several years now. My old journals are full of prayers, scripture readings, and my thoughts/questions about what I studied in the Bible. My current one is blank. Well, I actually have one page written and part of it was a plan to do more. Back to the book...I thought maybe if I saw some prayers by other people I would remember what it was like to pray to God as a friend. Maybe I should tell you what makes me so scared to pray. My life has been hard. Very little of what I wanted of it has come true. I suppose you can say the most important things are a reality since the 2 things I always wanted and have are a husband and kids. I became afraid to pray because I didn't want more prayers to be answered with a "no". I am tired of all the heartache I have as a result of me believing that God would give me what I want. Am I ready to get close again? Will I give up my eternal life to have what I want? Hopefully I will keep my eyes on God and remember that I should have been asking God what He wanted of me all along instead of asking Him to give me what I wanted without regard to Him.

Today's prayer was something like this:

God, I never have enough time. Help me to make wise decisions in using my time.Show me how to use it for the things and people that are most important to me.

Naturally I have to ask myself who is most important to me? What are the things that are most important? Beyond that I had to ask about Godly intervention because these questions came to me on a day when I wondered what my life would be like if I walked away from it all...away from my family, husband, kids....everything. What would it be like if I started all over again alone? I would still have to clean my house but it would be in a different place. I would still have to cook but just for me. I would have to go back to work and then I would meet more people and not be alone again. So we could say my life would be the same but different. So how can I make my life, the one I have right now, work for me? I know God made me think of these things today. I know it the same way I know I was supposed to marry my husband and the same way I know I have to stay with my husband. It is the same way I know God gave me each of my kids, just the way they are, and who they will be in the future...made them like they are for me. He gave me these beautiful, specific gifts because He loved me and wanted me to know how much He loved me. So I have a decision to make...

1) Will I choose the gifts God has wrapped up in pretty packages for me to unwrap as life goes along or will I continue to be disappointed when I don't get the gifts I want?

2)Who and what are important to me?